


Tell Me Something

by LelsieSphinx



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Cuddles, Happy Ending, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt/Comfort, I promise it's not all dark, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Steve Rogers, This time anyway, lets ignore all canon after CAWS, they will be happy even with sad things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 16:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19397746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LelsieSphinx/pseuds/LelsieSphinx
Summary: Bucky's been having nightmares, and tonight is no exception. Steve gets home late at night, but earlier than expected, from a good will thing. He doesn't notice at first that Bucky's trapped in his head. But when he does, it gets worse before it gets better.Or Bucky has a nightmare, Steve gets home and tries to help.





	Tell Me Something

**Author's Note:**

> Did I write this instead of sleeping? Yes.  
> Did I fall asleep while writing it because it was 4 am?  
> Should I have wrote this instead of working on my main fic? Probably not. But here we are.
> 
> Let me know if I need additional tags. I don't think I need to add a trigger warning, more than what the tags are, but let me know. Thanks for reading!

It's cold. Bucky can see his breath, which is a little strange due to the fog. He lifts the flashlight higher, trying to see through it. There's someone out there, he knows it. But he doesn't know if it's a friend or an enemy. Something _cracks_ behind him and he whips around, aiming his gun into the dark.   
Cautiously, he steps forward, trying to see something, wishing he had some kind of light to see by.   
There's something red and white up ahead, and softly, he whispers, "Steve?"   
When he's closer, he realizes it's a flag. Dirty and ripped, but still attached to the pole, which is lying in the road. He feels sick, feels like crying. But he's being watched, followed, he needs to get away.   
He turns, running into the building, running down a hallway that just seems to go on and on. He crashes through doors and a voice laughs. Loud and cruel in his ear. He jerks away, crashing into a surgical table. He looks at it, still covered in blood, and the faceless people in the room turn as one and advance on him.   
"No, please," he says, the words feeling heavy in his mouth. Like he can't get them out. He backs out of the room, only to feel someone's breath on his ear. Cold and harsh. he runs.   
<=^=>   
Steve sighs as he enters the apartment.   
He's been on some good will press tour for the better part of the week. Talking to senators, reporters, giving everyone the Captain America persona.   
He hated it.   
He spent the whole time wishing he was back home with Bucky. Texting and an occasional call wasn't the same.   
When they had finally finished with the final event, it had been late. But eager to finally be home, finally see Bucky again, he had booked a red eye flight back.   
Steve told himself he wasn't disappointed that Bucky wasn't there to greet him with a hug and a kiss. It was just after three in the morning, and besides he wasn't expected back until that afternoon.   
He crept into their bedroom, wincing a little at the cracking noise the door made as he opened it. The only light in the room comes from the dim nightlight in the room. Steve frowns at it, knowing it means Bucky hasn't been sleeping well. Has been waking up not knowing where he is.   
They had gotten the nightlight so that when Bucky had woken disoriented, he would be able to see where he was and know he wasn't in a cell in a Hydra lab. It's been a few months since he last needed it, and he had insisted on putting it away.   
As silently as Steve can, he puts his duffle down, and walks to his dresser to get pajamas to change into after his shower.   
"Stff?" He hears Bucky mumble. When he turns, Bucky is still lying on his stomach, face turned away.   
"Shhh," Steve says, resisting the urge to reach out and touch him. "Go back to sleep,"   
When Bucky doesn't say anything more, or even move, Steve breathes a sigh of relief. If he's sleeping now, he should stay that way. Hopefully, in a couple days, Bucky will feel safe enough to sleep without the nightlight again.   
Steve sneaks out of the bedroom, closing the door softly behind him and goes into their guest bathroom. That has less of a chance of waking Bucky up than their master bath.   
<=^=>   
He's made it out of the building. But the fog seems thicker than before, and once he steps away from the building, he's instantly lost. He stumbles his way through the fog, through the dark, not sure where he's going, just knows he has to get away. But he trips and lands face to face with Steve. Steve with his face bashed in, and gunshot wounds no longer bleeding. He recoils, only to land next to a red headed woman, blood leaking out of her mouth a hand next to a knife sticking out of her stomach. He knows that he's the one who put it there. He lifts his gaze to see a field of people, all dead in various ways, all of them killed by him.   
"No," he says, again the word feeling to heavy in his mouth.   
"Good work, Soldier." A cool voice behind him says. Alexander Pierce stands there, a pleased smile on his face. "It's time to start again." He steps aside, and the Chair is revealed behind him.   
Bucky wants to leave. To run. Anything, but finds himself rooted to the spot. His feet stuck.   
He tries to speak, but while his mouth moves no sound comes out.   
  
"No!" He finally says, levering himself up, and out of bed. He puts his back to the wall, standing next to the only light source as he scans the room, breathing hard. There's no one there. He's home, he's alone. Steve is still gone. It's just him and the remnants of his nightmares.   
Bucky tries to take a deep breath, to even his breathing. When he finally does get a breath, he crumbles and begins to sob.   
<=^=>   
Steve finishes with his shower and quickly dries himself, putting his pajamas on. He runs a hand through his hair, half combing it, half considering if he should dry it before sleeping. On one hand, he probably shouldn't sleep with his hair wet as it'll give him impressive bed head the next morning. On the other, the hair dryer is loud and might wake Bucky. He shrugs to himself. Bucky should sleep. Besides, it'll give Bucky something to laugh at in the morning. Steve loves his laugh. He's missed it the last week.   
Steve stops outside his door, suddenly torn as to what to do. He wants to go inside. To see Bucky, to hold him. But he might wake him up by getting into bed. It might be better if he sleeps on the couch tonight. He bites his lip, and is about to turn to the living room when he hears a soft noise from their room.   
A cut off whimper of a sound.   
Bucky rarely to never makes sound when he's sleeping. Not even during nightmares.   
When Bucky had come back he had always been so silent. His hand caught in door frames by accident, something heavy dropped on his foot, not a sound. His face would sometimes curl into a grimace, but he wouldn't vocalize. Occasionally cuts or burns (cooking accidents or missions) would warrant a pained sigh, but that was it. That's changed over the last year and a half, to where Bucky is comfortable cursing about it, but for nightmares, fearful or pained sounds were still rare. Usually, only when they were really bad.   
If Bucky's having a nightmare, there's no way Steve was sleeping on the couch.   
Steve opened the door, ready to wake Bucky, but Bucky wasn't on the bed. Instead, he was on his knees by the nightlight. Metal arm wrapped tightly around his waist, his flesh hand over his mouth to stop any possible additional sounds as he shook with the force of his sobs. His eyes were squeezed shut, as if that would stop the tears from falling.   
It broke Steve's heart. Another thing Bucky hasn't been able to break out of is sobbing quietly. His hitched breathing, and rare whimpers being the only indication usually.   
Steve steps forward, ready to wrap his boyfriend up in a hug until he stopped shaking.   
<=^=>   
Bucky has both arms wrapped around himself, trying to hold himself together as he sobs.   
He wishes Steve were here. But he killed him - no he's just gone, left Bucky for a week, but he'll probably never come back because Bucky's worthless and a burden and who in their right mind would stay with something like him-   
A sound escapes his lips and he moves his flesh hand to cover his mouth, as he sobs harder. He can't make any noise, it'll just make everything worse.   
His eyes ares till shut tight and he senses someone approaching him. They've come to take him back. He doesn't want to go.   
Bucky lashes out, shoving his attacker off their feet, and he scrambles to get away. But he doesn't know where to go, where the exit is and his eyes are still cloudy with tears. He ends up with his back to a corner, but he can't make himself get up, to fight.   
His attacker slowly approaches, on his knees and reaches for Bucky. Bucky flinches, and he can't breath, and he closes his eyes, not wanting to see whatever happens next.   
But nothing happens.   
When he opens his eyes, the man is still near him, but sitting down a little bit away from him. His knees are up, and his hands are folded around them. He's angled so he's just not between Bucky and the exit. When he sees Bucky's glances between him and the door, he shifts. But not between them. No, he shifts away from Bucky, so Bucky has a better line to the door. Bucky closes his eyes again, deciding that maybe, just maybe, the man isn't actually a threat, and tries to slow his heart rate and his breathing.   
Sometime later, his heart isn't racing, but his breathing hasn't completely calmed, nor have the tears completely stopped. But he opens his eyes and realizes the man has been speaking. Just soft reassurances.   
<=^=>   
Steve hadn't meant to frighten Bucky, to literally back him into a corner. But there they were. Bucky terrified and not recognizing Steve, eyes closed and bracing himself for some terrible thing. So Steve sat down, giving Bucky a clear line to the door, which he had left open, and started to murmur encouragement. Telling him the date, that he loved him, that he was safe. When Bucky had opened his eyes, Steve had hoped that meant he was coming around, but Bucky had eyed him and the open door, as if calculating if he could get away before Steve got to him. Steve felt close to crying himself.   
"I'm not going to stop you, Buck. If you feel safer leaving," his voice cracks a little and he shifts a little further from Bucky, despite not wanting to, so Bucky has a better line to the door of he wants it. "I promise not to stop you. I'm not going to hurt you. You're safe." Bucky watches Steve for a moment longer, tears still falling, though he pays them no mind. He eventually, pointedly, closes his eyes, and begins trying to even his breathes.   
Steve offers his encouragement, repeating that he's safe, that everything is going to be okay. That he loves him.   
Bucky hasn't completely calmed his breathing, but is getting closer, when he opens his eyes again.   
"Steve?" His voice is a little shaky, unsure.   
"Yeah. Yeah, Buck. It's me. I'm back."   
"Steve."   
Bucky shifts forward a little, and Steve slowly lifts one arm and holds out his hand for Bucky to take if he wants. Bucky links their pinkies staring at their hands as if waiting for something. When nothing does, he takes Steve's hand. Bucky buries his face in his own knees and his shoulders begin to shake again. Steve tightens his grip on Bucky's hand. He feels his own eyes begin to water, and uses his free hand to rub at them.   
<=^=>   
Bucky thinks he's finally cried out. He feels much more exhausted than he thought he would, and he's grateful for the grounding pressure of Steve's hand in his. He looks up and meets Steve's concerned gaze.   
"Hey, Buck." He whispers. Bucky shifts so he's on his knees, before scooting closer. Steve lets his knees fall to the site and moves his feet further apart so there's a space for Bucky. But he doesn't pull Bucky in. Doesn't force him. Just waits.   
Bucky chooses to slip into that space and rests his face against Steve's neck, breathing him in.   
Steve slowly slips his free arm around Bucky's back, giving him plenty of time to stop him. Bucky drops Steve's hand and wraps his own arms around him. There's a gentle hand in Bucky's hair and they slowly rock side to side.   
"There you are," Steve murmurs. "There's my wonderful guy." Steve kisses the side of his head and keeps rocking them.   
It's Bucky who eventually breaks their silence.   
"Your hair is wet."   
Steve huffs and presses another kiss to Bucky's temple.   
"Yup."   
They keep swaying. Bucky feels gross, dried sweat from his nightmares and dried tears still on his face. Probably on Steve too. He hopes it doesn't make him mad.   
Steve stops rocking them.   
"Hey, how do you feel about getting cleaned up?"   
Bucky jerks away.   
Steve finds him disgusting, he hates being here with him, he's going to leave Bucky alone again and not come back this time, and -   
"Hey, no." Steve says still in that soft voice, leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss to Bucky's lips. He cups Bucky's cheek, rubbing his thumb across his cheekbone. "I just thought you might feel better if you washed your face or changed your clothes."   
Bucky searches Steve's face and nods. Steve smiles and leans in to kiss his cheek, but he turns his head and catches his lips briefly.   
When they part, Steve is smiling, and brushes his thumb over his cheek one more time before standing and offering his hands to Bucky. Bucky takes them and allows himself to be pulled up. But instead of releasing him, Bucky pulls Steve in for a hug. Steve chuckles, but goes with it.   
Bucky has _really_ really missed him this week.   
Steve kisses his forehead.   
"Do you want me to come with you?"   
Bucky shakes his head.   
"Alright." Another forehead kiss.   
Bucky pulls away and walks into the bathroom.   
<=^=>   
Steve watches as the door clicks shut behind Bucky. He closes his eyes, letting out a deep breath, running a hand through his hair.   
Bucky wasn't really talking yet. But he didn't seem to mind physical affection. That was good. It's a good sign, he reminds himself.   
He turns on a lamp to give their room more light. Then he goes into the kitchen, turning on that light and pours a glass of water for Bucky. Without really thinking about it, he drinks it and quickly refills the glass. He notices a bag of chocolate on the counter and grabs that before going back to their room.   
He sets his items on his nightstand and turns around as the bathroom door opens.   
Bucky stands in the doorway in sweats and a t-shirt, much like Steve's own, with his arms wrapped around himself, shoulders hunched. But when Steve opens his arms, he doesn't hesitate to walk into them. A wave of relief washes over Steve as he holds him close.   
"I got you some water," Steve murmurs. Bucky nods, but it's a moment before he pulls away. Steve reaches behind him for the water and holds it out for Bucky. Bucky takes it, drinks it quickly and hands back the empty glass.   
Steve kisses his temple.   
"Get back in bed? I'll be right back." Steve leaves the room, hurrying to refill the glass and get back to Bucky. Through the curtains he can see the sun has started to rise and he pulls a face. But he flips off the kitchen light and rushes back.   
Bucky is on the bed, sitting cross legged and staring at his hands in his lap. He looks up, relieved when Steve reenters.   
Steve puts the glass on Bucky's nightstand before walking around the bed onto his side, Bucky watching him from behind his hair.   
Steve grabs a handful of chocolate and hands it over. Bucky unwraps one and hands it back.   
"Thanks, Buck."   
Bucky nods as Steve pops it into his mouth then opens another one and eats it himself. They continue that way until they finish the handful Steve had given Bucky. Bucky smiles as he gathers the wrappers and hands them back to Steve.   
"Gee, thanks." He says, but accepts the wrappers. Bucky just smirks into his lap. Steve puts them on the nightstand, figuring they can go into the trash later.   
Steve turns back to Bucky, and runs a hand through his hair, stopping to cup his jaw. Bucky leans into it, eyes closing.   
"You know I love you, right?"   
Bucky opens his eyes and scoots closer. Steve wraps his arm around his shoulders, and Bucky leans against his chest. He tucks his head under Steve's chin, throws his legs over Steve's so he's in his lap and places a hand on his chest, right over his heart.   
Steve holds him close, breathing him in, glad to be home at last.   
He's dozing slightly when he feels lips brush his jaw and Bucky's voice saying,   
"Love you too, Steve."


End file.
